I was living in London when I became a Christian. My life was a mess. My friend had invited me to church a few times and I finally went as I felt I had nothing to lose. That day in February 2005, I gave my life to God!

I’d love to tell you that everything changed from that moment, but it didn’t. So now I was a Christian….what did that mean? For the next year, I went to church every Sunday. I’d walk in and walk out not daring to speak to anyone. I was so ashamed and living with so much guilt about my past and I thought that if anyone knew the truth, if they knew the real me, it would all be over. You see, I’d become a Christian, but I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t see myself as God saw me. I saw the bad, the dirty, the shameful, the lack, the insecurities, the failure. All I saw was my past.

It was a sad day when I realized that the message in my heart was that no-one would ever stay for me. No-one would love me, accept me, embrace me and stay for me. To this day, whenever I think of that specific moment in time, my heart hurts.

I remember asking God who I was. Who did He say I was? What did His word say about me?

And God answered with words, these words…

Gracious ** Wise ** Healthy ** Submissive ** Vulnerable ** Intimate ** Patient ** Strong ** Alluring ** Free ** Welcoming ** Forgiving ** Secure ** Merciful ** Fiercely Devoted ** Kind ** Tender ** Inviting ** Peaceful ** Humble **

Did I think I was any of these? No!

What I loved though is that each word brought peace to my heart. I can’t explain it, it’s just something that God does.

I didn’t share this part of my journey or these words with anyone for 3 years. Then one day a beautiful friend and I were sharing and I showed her the words and told her my story. A few days later, she asked me to email the words to her. For my birthday that year, she painted the words onto a canvas for me . The picture header of my blog is a photograph of that canvas.

I’ve always referred to that canvas as a description of the feminine heart…….so what better name for my blog!

The Israelites had been enslaved in Egypt for 430 years. After suffering 7 plagues at the hand of God, Pharaoh ordered the Israelites to get out of Egypt. God chose Moses to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land.

Exodus 13:17 & 18 says: “When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, ‘If people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt’. So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. Thus the Israelites left Egypt like an army ready for battle.” (NLT)

Exodus 13:21 & 22 says: “ The Lord went ahead of them. He guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and He provided light at night with a pillar of fire. This allowed them to travel by day or by night. And the Lord did not remove the pillar of cloud or the pillar of fire from its place in front of the people.” (NLT)

These scriptures spoke several things to me:

• No matter what the situation, God has a plan.
• He knows the battles that lie ahead so sometimes He needs us to go a longer route so as not to engage in a battle that He does not intend for us.
• Sometimes God needs to take us the long way around so that we are not tempted to go back to the place we’ve been.
• Sometimes when God takes us the long way around we need to be prepared for battle – even if that battle never comes.
• Sometimes the long way around feels like the wilderness.
• The place that God leads us to can appear as impossible as the Red Sea looked to the Israelites.

BUT

• God goes ahead of us always & He guides us.
• He provides light for us in our dark times and our dark places.
• He gives us the freedom to move (the Israelites travelled by day or night….God allowed it).
• He never removes Himself from the path that we are walking.

No matter what is going on in your life today, whether it is work, family, marriage, financial, singleness etc., God is as faithful to us today as He was to the Israelites back then!!

His word tells us in Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you”