I was living in London when I became a Christian. My life was a mess. My friend had invited me to church a few times and I finally went as I felt I had nothing to lose. That day in February 2005, I gave my life to God!

I’d love to tell you that everything changed from that moment, but it didn’t. So now I was a Christian….what did that mean? For the next year, I went to church every Sunday. I’d walk in and walk out not daring to speak to anyone. I was so ashamed and living with so much guilt about my past and I thought that if anyone knew the truth, if they knew the real me, it would all be over. You see, I’d become a Christian, but I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t see myself as God saw me. I saw the bad, the dirty, the shameful, the lack, the insecurities, the failure. All I saw was my past.

It was a sad day when I realized that the message in my heart was that no-one would ever stay for me. No-one would love me, accept me, embrace me and stay for me. To this day, whenever I think of that specific moment in time, my heart hurts.

I remember asking God who I was. Who did He say I was? What did His word say about me?

And God answered with words, these words…

Gracious ** Wise ** Healthy ** Submissive ** Vulnerable ** Intimate ** Patient ** Strong ** Alluring ** Free ** Welcoming ** Forgiving ** Secure ** Merciful ** Fiercely Devoted ** Kind ** Tender ** Inviting ** Peaceful ** Humble **

Did I think I was any of these? No!

What I loved though is that each word brought peace to my heart. I can’t explain it, it’s just something that God does.

I didn’t share this part of my journey or these words with anyone for 3 years. Then one day a beautiful friend and I were sharing and I showed her the words and told her my story. A few days later, she asked me to email the words to her. For my birthday that year, she painted the words onto a canvas for me . The picture header of my blog is a photograph of that canvas.

I’ve always referred to that canvas as a description of the feminine heart…….so what better name for my blog!